Wedding Bell Blues (transcript)
From Sonic Retro
(Courtesy of The Sonic Zone)
Sonic Underground episode 1 - Wedding Bell Blues Queen Aleena: Queen Aleena here. Becoming the legitimate King of Mobius is Dr. Robotnik's deepest, most dangerous dream, which is soon to become Sonic Underground's nightmare... Sonic: Wow! Two doggies with the works, bud! Sonia: Chili-dogs? Now? Sonic, we're on an important mission! Manic: Important mission? You mean _after_ your hair appointment? Sonia: I mean my hair appointment! Appearance is important - to _most_ people! Sonic: I know what you mean - I'm so cool! [with mouth full] I always look good! [Manic whistles as he steals some cards from the stand] Sonia: Ugh! Gross! Oh well, I guess that's to be expected from the lower classes... Sonic: I'd rather be low-class than no-class! Looks like we got a bad case of sticky-fingers! Manic: Hey, man, hey! Where I come from, you never know when you might need something! Sonic: Put 'em back! [Manic puts the cards back] Sonic: Cool move! Just leave them stay... Robotnik: Hear ye, citizens of Robotropolis. Be informed that tomorrow I, the great Robotnik, will be married to Queen Aleena herself! And because I am a kind, generous and caring tyrant, I will even allow [yawn] music to be played at this joyous event! Sonic: Did he say married?! Sonia: Did he say to the Queen?! Manic: Dude, did he say 'trap'? Or was it just too _obvious_ to mention? Sonia: Manic, you're right. There's no way Mother would marry someone she doesn't love with all her heart! And who could love... Sonic: A domineering old butt-head like Doc Botnik! All: Unless she were forced!! Sonic: Y'know, on second thought, if there's a chance in a million that Mom's there... Sonia: We have to be there too! And I think I know just the person who can get us in! Sonic and Manic: You don't mean... Sonia: Bartleby! Robotnik: Excellent! A fine day for snaring hedgehogs. But the cost of this bogus wedding is bankrupting me! Sleet: Yes, but it must look real, or the hedgehogs will smell the trap! Robotnik (turning round): Suggestions? Dingo: Er... cut off their noses? [Sleet hits Dingo] Sleet: Why not raise more tribute from one of your pathetically loyal nobles? Robotnik: Bartleby? Sleet: Precisely! Sonia: ACME carpet cleaners! Sonic: Okay, nobody's home! Let's go! Sonia: Wait-wait-wait! Bartleby: Sorry, my poor fellow, there must be some mistake... Sonia [removing disguise]: Bartleby, it's me! Bartleby: Sohnia? How delightful! Do come in! Sonia: Look, stay in the back room, both of you. As far as Bartleby's concerned you're rug cleaners, nothing more. Bartleby: Sonia daaarling, it's simply maaarvelous to see you. Although your ensemble leaves a bit to be desired... By the way, I hear your Mumsie's wedding will be tr‚s chic! Sonic: This guy is tr‚s bozo! Bartleby: I'm so glad your mother has finally come to her senses... Sonic: GRRRR! Bartleby: After all, given your disreputable brothers - and the unfortunate fact that all three of you are wanted criminals, your tarnished family needs a major polish! Sonic: One more word out of you, I'm gonna polish this floor with your face! Bartleby: Sonic? Sohnia, how could you let your ruffian brothers into my home? Sonia: Oh Bartleby sweetie, don't mind Sonic. He's just a little overwhelmed with the beautiful surroundings and all. Bartleby: Yes, they are quite nice aren't they? Sonia: And what all of us want most of all is for Mother's wedding to be perfect - which is where you, my sweet, can help. Bartleby: You know I'll do anything, my pet, anything for you. Sonic (noticing Manic stealing): Excuse me Manic, but you've just entered a No Shopping Zone! Manic: Hey, we could sell this stuff to a cro oked antique dealer I know, and make a bundle for the resistance! Sonic: Toss it! [Manic tosses all the stolen goods up in the air] Sonia: In that case, dearest, all you have to do is volunteer to supply the music! Bartleby: Music? I don't know... [Sonia hugs Bartleby] Bartleby: Okay, so I do know! Manic: Do you think this guy is really cool? Sonic: I think we're about to find out... Sonia: This should get rid of that nasty spot, Sir! Bartleby: What spot? [noticing Sleet and Dingo] And be sure it does, miss. Ah, Sleet and Dingo! Sleet: Hello, Bottleby, you wart on the nose of society! It's tribute time again! Bartleby: What's that? Tribute? But... I... just... [The noise from the cleaning machines gets really loud] Dingo: Waaah! Sleet: Shut those machines off! [noise stops] Sleet: You know as well as I do that marrying a Queen is very expensive! Bartleby: But I'm not marrying the Queen! Sleet: But your lord and master is! Double tribute and I want it now! Bartleby: But... but... Sonia (whispering): Music... Bartleby: Ohhh, what if I pay half the tribute, and supply some very expensive musicians as well? Sleet: Hmm... done. Goodbye Burblebee! Come, Dingo. Sonia: Thanks, Bartleby! Sonia: Hmm, you're not half bad, you 'wart on the nose of society' you! Manic: Wow.... Sonic: Wow - so this is the Royal home sweet home! Sonia: If Robotnik hadn't stolen it from Mother, that is! [Inside, the Sonic Underground get supplied with some instruments] Manic: Yuck! Sonic: What are we supposed to do with... Sonia: That will be all, thank you! [The hedgehogs dump all the instruments down a garbage chute, then spark their medallions and perform this episode's song, When Tomorrow Comes.] When tomorrow comes, we'll be walking in the sun, Na Na Na Na Na Na Naa Naa, Oh when tomorrow comes, we got nothing but fun Na Na Na Na Na Na Naa Naa, (hahahahaha) Ya when tomorrow comes, Oh when tomorrow comes, When tomorrow comes, we'll be walking in the sun, Na Na Na Na Na Na Naa Naa, When tomorrow comes! When tomorrow co-mes! Manic: Cool timing, dudes! Sonic: But of course! Let's hear that drum solo one more time! [Manic plays his drum solo] Sonic: I only had time to cover the North Wing - no sign of Mom yet! Sonia: Nobody saw you did they? Sonic: Someone see moi? The speed man? The speedster? The speed-meister? I don't think so! Robotnik: Play it forward, frame by frame. [video plays in slow motion] Robotnik: Stop. Take it back two frames. [video goes back two frames] Robotnik: Enhance. [Sonic appears on the video screen] Robotnik: Well, well Mr. Sonic Hedgehog. Before the sun sets today, you too will be walking down the aisle - to the Robotosizer! Hahahaha! [The hedgehogs are performing again when a robot arrives with a message] Sonia: According to this boys, no more rock & roll! Sonic: Well excuuuse us! Hey, is it hot in here or what? Man, this jacket's hot! [Sonic takes off his jacket and throws it over the hidden camera] Sonic: Okay. 1, 2, 1-2-3... Sonic: We gotta find Mom or find out what Robotnik's really up to! Any ideas? Manic: Dig this! [opens a secret passageway] Alright! Secret passageway, anyone? Sonic: Way to go, bro! Manic: So, let's do it! Sonia: Not so fast, Manic - it's a good idea, but it lacks style! Sonic: Style? [Sonia twirls into a new costume] Sonia: Style! Manic: Not bad, dudette, but now that you're all dressed up, where you gonna go? Sonia: While you explore the secret passageway, Sonic can check outside - while I bluff my way into the bridal chamber! Sonic: Ho-ho, sis, you got style by the mile! Meet you back here when we're all a little older and wiser! Robotnik: So, the hedgehogs are here - which is exactly what we wanted. What have you got? Sleet: A special trap for the fast one! Robotnik: Which is? Sleet: Hehe, something he can't resist! Sleet: Alright, we'll set up here. [Sleet morphs Dingo into a chili-dog stand and pours the chili into it] Dingo: Ouch! This stuff's hot! Sleet: Oh Dingo, you're such a cry-baby! To catch a mouse you use cheese, but to catch a hedgehog, you must use... Sonic: Chili-dogs! Primo supremo! Gimme a triple banger with quadruple chili, extra spicy! Sleet: Yes Sir! Coming right up! Sonic: Awesome concoction, my good man! This is what I call a chili-dog! Sleet: Oh, I almost forgot, there's one more thing. Sonic: Really? What? Sleet: Giant Venus Flytrap! [Sleet morphs Dingo into a giant venus flytrap, which eats Sonic!] Sonic: But I didn't order a Giant Venus Flytrap! Must be one of those super-meal promotions. [vines start grabbing Sonic's limbs and restricting his movement] Sonic: Whoah! Oh man, I hate to do this! Oh well, for Mom and country! Chili-bombs away! Sonic: Hate to not eat and run, but so it goes! Manic: Wow, one of these may lead to the bridal chamber - and there's only one way to scope it! Time to lose this costume! [Robotnik is trying on some sort of metallic girdle] Robotnik: Ah, now that's what I call a kingly physique! Manic: Uh-oh! Wipeout! [girdle bursts, throwing Robotnik back] Sonia: Mother? Manic: Cool! Sonic: Whoa, that looks like the bridal chamber - and that looks like an actual... bride? Manic: Ma, you're not really gonna marry that ugly dude Robotnik, are you? Dingo [high voice]: Actually, my darling children, I can't! [real voice]: Because I'm already married to my job! Sonia: Oh, thank goodness it's only a trap. All: A TRAP?! Sleet: SWATBots! Seize them! Sonia: SLEET! How dare you allow that Dingo thing to impersonate the Queen? Sleet: That's nothing, check out what he's impersonating now! [Sleet morphs Dingo into a snake-thing, and he captures Sonia!] Sonia: AAH! Let me go, you no-good... Sonic: Sonia! [dodging lasers] That all you got? [more lasers] Ooh! Me and my big mouth! Manic: Sonic! Over here! [Manic is throwing more stolen goods at the SWATBots] Sonic: Manic! I thought I told you... Manic: Like I said, you never know when this kind of stuff is gonna come in handy! Sonic: So where's the secret passageway? Manic: Behind those bots. The light activates it. Sonic: No problemo! Special delivery for SWATbutts! Manic: Hey, watch the hatch! Sonia: No, No, No! I refuse to be named crowned princess, successor to the throne! Bartleby: But sweetikins, don't you see? By her continued abscense your mother has given up her right to rule! You have to take her place! Sonia: My mother's abscense is because of HIS presence! Robotnik: If it's my fault you are missing a mother, I will remedy that lack, by adopting you, our new crowned princess, as my daughter. In fact, you may call me 'Dad'. Sonia: AAAAAAA! Sleet: (ahem) Honored Guests! We have a slight change in schedule. Instead of a wedding, you shall witness the adoption of crowned princess Sonia, by our beloved leader, Doctor (and soon to be King) Robotnik! [crowd gasp] Bartleby: Unless, of course, Queen Aleena fulfils the ancient law, and proves she has not abandoned the throne! Sonic: There's too many SWATbots to rush the stage. We need a diversion... Manic: Got it! Sonic: Got what? Manic: You'll know it when you see it! Gotta jam! Manic: Oh, oh - this is definately me! Sonia: Sonic, Manic, where are you? Sonic: Any time, Manic... Manic: Hey, hey, watch the dress guys, it wrinkles! Sleet: And, with the continued abscense of Queen Aleena, it is decreed that Princess Sonia shall rule in her stead. Sonic: We're running out of time here Manic..;. Manic: [picks lock] Excellent! Still got the touch! Haha! Bartleby: With this crown, Princess Sohnia... Queen Aleena: Halt! I forbid this ceremony! Sonia: About time guys! Sonic: Nice going Manic! Lovely frock! Bartleby: The Royal Sceptre! It's the Queen! [faints] Sonia: My hero (!) Robotnik: No! It can't be! Queen Aleena: You are a blight upon our land, Robotnik! I, Queen Aleena, shall never abandon Mobius, or her children, as long as I may live! Crowd: Long live the Queen! Long live th e Queen! Long live the Queen! Long live the Queen! Robotnik: SWATBots! Seize her! Sleet: Blast that door open! Robotnik: Hedgehog, you're defeated. Admit it! Sonic: Only if you catch me! [rolls Robotnik in the carpet] Sonic: One Borito El Grosso coming right up! [SWATBots are firing lasers everywhere] Sonic: I just love these family get-togethers! Don't you? Sonia: You're the best! But where's Manic? Sonic: Milking his balcony scene to the max! Sonia: That was Manic? Unbelievable! [laser fire intensifies] Er... maybe we should go! Dingo: There she is! Sleet: It is over, Your Majesty. You're coming with us! Robotnik: Well, well, well. Your children may have escaped, Queen Aleena, but at least I have you! [pulls hood down revealing it's only a dummy] Sleet, you idiot! Sleet: No Sire, I am the caniving one, Dingo is the idiot! Sonia: Brilliant work guys! Manic: Which part? Sonia: Your impersonation of Mother! What else? Sonic: It sure was, Manic, exceptional job! Manic: So kind, but - I never made it! I thought it was you! Sonia: Wait a minute - if it wasn't Manic, or Sonic... Sonic: Then it had to be... Sonia: Mother? Manic: Wow! Queen Aleena: The nightmare has been averted, but a long darkness still remains before our freedom's dawn. Robotnik: Perhaps a few days in the dungeons will give both of you time to reflect on your shortcomings! Take them away! Sleet: I want my own cell! Dingo: No, Sleet, please! When I'm alone I get scared of the dark!