The Jewel in the Crown (transcript)
From Sonic Retro
(Courtesy of The Sonic Zone)
Queen Aleena: We all make mistakes. But determination, the will to keep going in spite of those setbacks, is one of the greatest lessons we must all learn in life. Manic: Hey, check this out sis! [shows bug] Sonia: EWWWW! Get that thing away from me! You know how I feel about bugs - creepy CREEPY! Manic: Relax sis, it's not real! It's a remote controlled snooper - made it myself. And I'm gonna send it up the sewers into Buttnik's headquarters! [Sonic has just got a chili-dog out of the microwave] Sonic: Ahh, nothing like a little snack before bedtime! Sonia: How can you eat in a sewer? It's disgusting! Sonic: How can I eat in a sewer? [eats chili-dog whole] One bite at a time! Sonia: Ugh! I think I'm gonna be sick... Manic: Yo, scope this guys, I'm almost at Buttnik's back door! Robotnik: I received this photograph from a jewel merchant in the city of Emporium. Dingo: Pretty... Robotnik: Now, compare it to this photo of the lost crown of Mobius. Dingo: I like this one better! Robotnik: You pathetic excuse for a thinking species! They're the same jewel! The crown was lost when the Queen went into hiding. Now the merchant has the jewel - possibly pawned by Queen Aleena to finance the Resistance! Manic: Let me see if I can get closer... Robotnik: According to legend, the jewel glows brighter the closer it gets to Queen Aleena. Sleet: Like a homing device! It'll lead us straight to the Queen! Robotnik: My thought exactly! Hehehehe.... The merchant has offered to sell me the jewel. Sleet: But why buy it, when you can steal it - right? Robotnik: Bring me the jewel and I'll pay you... half what the merchant wanted. Manic: Come on, come on, spill! Gimme the news! Robotnik: The merchant's name is... [Dingo sits on Manic's bug snooper, cutting off the transmission!] Dingo: Ugh! I think I sat on a bug. Sonic: Bummer majorus! Sonia: We could have found Mother with that jewel! Manic: Well, it's in Emporium, why don't we just go get it? Sonia: We can't afford it! We're broke! Manic: We could, er, liberate it! Sonia: Absolutely not! No stealing! Manic: I mean, temporarily - y'know, to keep it away from Buttnik, sorta like... protective custody. Sonic: Hey, if it is the Crown Jewel, no way Mom would have sold it! That merchant must have stolen it! Manic: Yeah... we'd be recovering stolen property! Sonia: I wonder what it'd feel like to wear a jewel that big? Sonic: Oh brother... Manic: Whoa, not exactly your basic sleepy little village! Sonia: We'll never find the Crown Jewel! Sonic (sarcastically): Sure we will! After all, we're only looking for a jewel merchant whose name we don't know in the biggest, noisiest, most jam-packed city in all of Mobius - I mean come on, how many jewel merchants could there be? Manic: Hey, where is everybody? Sonia: It's just like everything else now that Robotnik's in charge - ruined. Manic: Nobody'll shop if they're afraid to be out on the street! [We hear the sound of a flute] Sonia: Huh? Sonic: Flute music? How bad can this place be? Let's check it out. [The van stops by a snake-charmer] Sonic: Say, you wouldn't know where the street of jewel merchants is, would you? Thanks! Merchant: The Crown Jewel of Mobius! The genuine article! Sleet: It's the Crown jewel all right. The price is too much! Merchant: Does Robotnik think he can bribe me with this cheap imitation Persian rug? It is the price Robotnik agreed to pay! Sleet: Yes, but he's no longer in a buying mood - he just wants it! Sonic: Hello, anybody here? Manic: Sssh! You be quiet - we're thieves, remember? Sonic: Hey, chill Ma nic, I'm just being polite! Sonia: The Crown Jewel... Sonic: This may be our best chance to find Mom! Manic: Take it, will ya? Sonic: I... can't! I don't think Mom would want us to steal, no matter how good our motives are! It just isn't right! Manic: Hey, we agreed it's not really stealing. Sonic: But it IS stealing! Sure we may find Mom, but that doesn't make it right! Sonia: Maybe if we told the merchant how important it is to keep the jewel away from Buttnik... [Suddenly the rug they are standing on starts moving and rolls up with them inside - it's Dingo!] Sleet: Ooh, I've got you, you beautiful, faceted fortune! Sonic (getting out of the rug): That jewel belongs to Mom! Sleet: Haven't you heard? Finders keepers! [Turns Dingo back] Sonic: The jewel! It'll lead him right to Mom! Sonia: We've got to get that jewel back from Dingo! Sonic: No prob, sis, I'll be back in a Sonic Second! Comin' through... [The jewel merchant tries to stop Sonic from leaving, but Sonic's too fast] Sleet: Queen Aleena, here we come! Dingo: Sonic just passed us! Sleet: Don't worry about him, he can't stop us now! This time Sonic, you are street pizza! [Sonic gets some rope and weaves a web, stopping Sleet and Dingo] Robotnik (on communicator): Do you have the jewel? Sleet: Yes, but the situation's gotten a little tangled. Robotnik: You just hold on to that jewel - SWATBot reinforcements are on the way! Sleet: We'll just sit tight and wait - there's no way that Sonic can get to us in here! Sonic: Whoa, we're talking a plan here! [Sonic rushes off and finds an urn full of olive oil] Sonic: Olive oil, cool! This'll do it! [Sonic gets a bucket and starts splashing Sleet and Dingo's vehicle with olive oil] Dingo: What's he doing? Sleet: He's... [window gets splashed] Hey! I can't see! [Sleet opens the top to see what's going on, but Sonic then starts filling the vehicle with olive oil! Eventually the back of the vehicle opens and Sleet and Dingo 'pour' out.] Sonic (grabbing jewel): I think this belongs to Queen Aleena! Sonia: Sonic! Did you get it? Sonic: Be cool - I got the jewel! But we should be cruising instead of snoozing! [The van crashes into several washing lines and gets covered with clothes - making the SWATBots completely ignore it!] Sonia: Phew! That was close! [Another piece of clothing falls on Manic's head] Manic: Yo sibs! Hit me with the spotlight! [Sonic removes the cloth] Manic: Thanks bro - I thought the stage had gone dark! Sonia: Okay, we've got the jewel, but how do we get Sleet and Dingo off our tail? Sonic: No problemo, sis, Manic just gave me an idea! Song: The Cosmic Dance (wasn't shown in the UK) Well take some nails and make a bed, Place your hands above your head, Cross your legs in a yoga set, Now you're doing the Cosmic Dance! Let's get cosmic, let's get cosmic, Everybody do the Cosmic Dance! Take some sheet and make a rope, Dance right over red-hot coals, Dig out those empty ?????, Gonna need 'em for the Cosmic Dance! Let's get cosmic, let's get cosmic, Everybody do the Cosmic Dance, Let's get cosmic, let's get cosmic, Everybody do the Cosmic Dance! [instrumental] Come on! Let's get cosmic, let's get cosmic, Everybody do the Cosmic Dance! Let's get cosmic, let's get cosmic, Everybody do the Cosmic Dance! [Sleet finds the Sonic Underground van, but it's empty.] Sleet: Empty! It's a decoy! Dingo: I thought it was a van! Sleet: Yes, it is a van, but it's a decoy too. You see, when they use the van to... grrrrr - I've attached the tracking device, now find those hedgehogs! Dingo: Er, what about them? [We see the hedgehogs dressed up as snake-charmers] Sleet: How dumb do you think those hedgehogs are? It's too obvious! Forget about them - they're only snake-charmers! Sonic: Hahaha - snake-charmers? Get serious! Sonia: Yikes! How 'charming'! Sonic: No time to get hiss-terical! Manic: No man, it's time to RUN! Sonia: Wow! We must be getting close to Mother! Manic: We may not get any closer... [The van stops and we see a tree blocking the road] Sonic: Bummer majoris! Stand back! Looks like its time for me to stretch my legs! [Sonic cuts down all the trees blocking the road] Sonic: How much farther? Manic (looking at jewel): Whoa, any closer and I'll need sunglasses! Sleet: I love the brilliance of me! The tracking device on the hedgehogs' van was pure genius! Jewel - bah! We've got the hedgehogs to lead us to Queen Aleena! Sonia: Mother's in there? Sonic: Well, there's no turning back now! Sleet: At last, Queen Aleena! Sonic: What took you so long, slo-mos? Sonia: I've dreamed about meeting Mother for so long! Dingo: I don't know Sleet... this place gives me the creeps... maybe we ought to call Robotnik? Sleet: Maybe we should - [gets out communicator] Robotnik, we have followed the hedgehogs to Queen Aleena - will you be joining us for our moment of triumph? Robotnik: YOUR moment of triumph? You pathetic mongrel - I'll capture Queen Aleena myself! I'm on my way with every SWATBot I can muster - don't make a move until I arrive! Understand? Sleet: Of course, I wouldn't dream of disobeying you! [puts communicator away] Come on Dingo, let's go meet the Queen! Dingo: But Sleet, didn't Robotnik just say... Sleet: Robotnik will give anything to get Queen Aleena - if we capture her first, we can name our price! And Robotnik will have to pay! Dingo: Ooh, I like that! Hahahaha! Sonia: This must be it! Manic: Yeah, this jewel's glowing like a spotlight! Sonia: Mother! She's not moving! You don't think, after all this time, that she's... Sonic: There's only one way to find out! Mom, it's us! We've been searching for you for so long! [Sonic pulls Queen Aleena's hood down revealing only a radio transmitter] Sonic: Wait a Mobius Minute! Manic: That isn't Ma! [Manic turns the transmitter off; the jewel stops glowing. He turns it on again and the jewel starts to glow brightly again] Manic: It's all just a set-up! Sonia: But why? Why lure us here? Sonic: Not us! Buttnik! We stumbled onto the jewel by mistake! Manic: But why bring Robotnik here unless it's... All: A TRAP! [The doors start to close up and the plants explode. Sonic holds the door open while Sonia and Manic escape] Sonic: Come on! Manic: Oh, man, that was close! [Sonia gets sap on her hair] Sonia: Now this is a BAD hair experience! Sonic: No time for jive, this place is alive! Sleet: What are they running from? Dingo: Sleet... [The plants then start attacking Sleet and Dingo] Manic: Won't need THIS any more! [throws jewel away] Dingo: The jewel! I got it! Sleet: At least we got something out of this! [A drop of sap then falls on Sleet and Dingo, glueing them together] Sleet: Just what I always wanted - to be stuck with a sap forever(!) Dingo: I told you we should've waited for Robotnik. Sleet: Oh, will you SHUT UP! Manic: No-go man, we're stuck! Sonic: No biggie bro, back in a Sonic Second! [Sonic gets out and trims all the plants, allowing the van to get away] Sonic: Let's haul haunch! Wherever Sleet and Dingo are, Buttnik can't be far behind! [Robotnik finds the tied-up Sleet and Dingo] Robotnik: You FAILURES! I told you to wait! Capturing the Queen was supposed to be MY crown in glory! Dingo: At least we got the jewel boss - oops! [Dingo drops the jewel and it smashes on the floor] Dingo: Does this mean we don't get that reward? Robotnik: Ooh, you'll get your 'reward' all right... Sonic: I just don't get it! What was all that stuff about the jewel leading us to Queen Aleena? Manic: At least we know how Sleet and Dingo found us. They stuck this homing device on the van. Sonic: If we hadn't got out when we did, we'd have been trapped like Sleet and Dingo! Sonia: But why would the jewel merchant want to trap anybody in the temple? Sonic: Y'know, there's something fishy about that jewel merchant... Sonia: He's gone! What's going on here? Manic: The jewel's a fake, and now the jewel mer chant's scrammed! Sonic: Well somebody wanted Robotnik to stumble into that trap bad enough to set all this up! (all gasp) Sonic: Queen Aleena! Mom laid a brilliant trap for Robotnik and we blew it! Sonia: We didn't know! We were trying to find our mother! Manic: So what do we do now, man? Sonic (after a pause): We keep looking. Queen Aleena: Freedom is a long road, full of unexpected twists and turns, but we must keep going. Don't lose hope - someday we'll be reunited.